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By Barbara Aria
When one of her former college professors recently invited Stacey Greenberg, 34, and her husband to a party - and suggested they bring their two young children along - Greenberg hesitated. "Her house is filled with artifacts," says the Memphis mother. "But we brought our kids, and it was a comedy of errors." Greenberg's 1-year-old kept running up and down the stairs. Her 3-year-old dropped a folk-art bird. "It broke into a million pieces," Greenberg recalls. "The whole thing was so stressful, we just left. I felt like I had failed."
Mishaps like Greenberg's can make you wary of taking kids along on any adult outings. But these trips can be rewarding for every member of the family, and actually offer important benefits for your child: Going to grown-up events makes children feel special, exposes them to new experiences, and teaches them how to cope and thrive in unfamiliar situations.
First piece of advice: Relax. If you're stressed, your child is likely to pick up on that and be stressed, too. "We parents worry too much about what other people think," says Trintje Gnazzo, 34, a Winchester, MA, mother of two who often takes her toddler and preschooler to grown-up events. "The less I worry, the more fun we all have." And a little preparation never hurts. Here's tried-and-true advice from insider experts and real moms on how to take kids anywhere.
Just because your child favors mac and cheese and chicken fingers doesn't
mean he can't develop an appetite for slightly finer dining.
■ How to pull it off: Places with a fairly high noise level, as opposed to
quiet, white-tablecloth joints, are good bets - they're casual and kids love
the energy, and you'll love that the noise masks any outbursts. Go in the early
evening before the crowds arrive, suggests Sara Andrews, a nursery-school
teacher who moonlights as a waitress at an upscale eatery in Brooklyn. And
bring toys to help keep your child occupied. Cathy White, 37, of El Dorado, CA,
takes a "restaurant survival pack": a pencil box with some nonmessy art
supplies and fun stickers that are reserved just for restaurants. "Because
Maya doesn't use the kit every day, it's fresh to her, so she's immersed while
we wait for our food to be served," White says. Another key to an enjoyable
experience: interaction. Point out interesting things in the restaurant and
discuss with your child which foods you're going to eat. If your child feels
ignored, whining or a tantrum is practically guaranteed.
■ Biggest saboteurs: "Dining out is a sedentary experience, so it can be a
challenge for a toddler who wants to practice his exciting new motor
skills," says Stefanie Powers, a child-development specialist at Zero to
Three, a nonprofit children's research center in Washington, DC. Request a
table near open space so your child can walk around. And order an appetizer
that can be prepared quickly so he doesn't have to wait too long for food. Many
restaurants will whip up a child-friendly dish - buttered pasta, a mini burger
- even if it's not on the menu.
Shopping teaches kids crucial real-life skills: interacting with others
(such as the admiring sales staff) and paying for things you buy, says
Powers.
■ How to pull it off: Go when your child is fully rested - after a nap or in
the morning. Weekdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. are the least crowded hours,
says Jennifer Brown, a personal shopper at Macy's West in San Francisco. Before
you go, map out kid-friendly lunch spots where you can take a break, or bring a
(nonmessy!) snack from home and rest on a bench. And get your child involved:
Darlene Link, 32, a clinical psychologist in King of Prussia, PA, allows her
daughter to try on clothing, and teaches her what "on sale" and
"cheap" mean. "It keeps her brain turning," says Link.
■ Biggest saboteurs: Even a mall filled with stuff can get tiresome to a kid.
To buy more shopping time, promise a small reward. Say, "Once Mommy finds
the skirt, we'll look for a Hello Kitty store." Says Link, "It's a
lesson in patience and how things work. 'I help Mommy with this now, she'll
help me do what I want later.'"
At concerts, "Children will hear sounds they want to make themselves,
and see instruments they are interested in," says Bonnie Simon, cocreator
of the children's symphonic music series Stories in Music, from Magic Maestro
Music. "And if it's a great concert, a child will be touched to the very
depth of his soul."
■ How to pull it off: To start, try events at community centers, high schools,
or churches. Avoid concert-hall performances - which can be overwhelming -
until your child turns 6. Kids do best when they're familiar with what's
coming, so show him pictures of the instruments he'll see, and listen to a
recording of the music before the event. Once you're there, choose an aisle
seat for a clear view - and a quick escape if needed, says Jim Joseph of the
New Victory Theater, a performance venue for families in New York City. And
stay near the middle of the auditorium. "Kids feel detached from the action
when they sit far back," says Joseph. "Up front, the height of the
stage might block their view."
■ Biggest saboteurs: Little kids often get scared of the darkness when the
lights dim in the concert hall, says Joseph. Arrive early to allow your child
to grow accustomed to the space, and explain what's happening when the lights
go down.
Who doesn't enjoy a festive evening? Jenny Coniff, 41, of Clinton, CT, says
her 5-year-old son "loves feeling that's he part of a fun 'big boy'
event" at adult parties. Link likes watching her shy daughter open up at
such events. "Once she's comfortable, she loves it," says Link.
■ How to pull it off: Ask your host if it's okay to bring your child. And don't
assume that a yes means kiddie activities and food will be provided, says Debi
Lilly, owner of Chicago's A Perfect Event, an event-planning service. Buy
inexpensive toys, candies, and fun snacks just for the party, and bring your
child's favorite movie in case she needs some quiet time. Once there, greet the
host and familiar faces together so your child feels more comfortable, but
don't say hello to everyone - it'll likely overwhelm her.
■ Biggest saboteurs: Gnazzo has observed that the more fun the party is for
adults - say, a cocktail shindig - the more attention-getting behavior and
tantrums kids exhibit. So take notice of your child's needs, and take time out
to play together or let her run around outside.
Despite the hush-hush atmosphere, museums welcome children - many offer
brochures highlighting kid-friendly works. And as your child looks at different
works he likes, he'll build visual and verbal skills when he tries to interpret
them. Serena Makofsky, 39, loves taking her 5-year-old, Max, to look at art.
"Before we go in, we always practice how to look at art without loving it
too much - the hands-behind- the-back stance," says the Portland, OR,
mom.
■ How to pull it off: Prior to the visit, look on the museum's Website to pick
pieces to see. The younger the child, the more he'll prefer three-dimensional
art, like sculptures and objects, says Mike Norris, an educator at New York
City's Metropolitan Museum of Art. "Families also enjoy our modern art
galleries," he adds, "because kids are encountering some of the same
questions in their own art" - like what happens when you make trees purple?
Kids love tactile experiences, but they can't touch art. So Natasha
Schlesinger, a mother of three and owner of ArtMuse, which offers children's
tours of museums in New York City, brings objects for the kids - a palette and
brush or a sketch pad, even a piece of metal to hold when viewing steel
sculptures. And because kids love looking at brushstrokes up close, a
magnifying glass.
■ Biggest saboteurs: Watch out for fatigue, cautions Norris, which can be easy
to miss since you may not notice how much distance you're covering. Depending
on your child's age, plan to leave after 30 minutes to an hour.