The Secret Thoughts of Fathers

The Truth About Parenting

They get frustrated, they get scared, and they cry, too. Learn the secret thoughts of fathers —?find out how they really feel.

Leonard says that fathers feel a responsibility to keep the family afloat, and it scares him.

"[The difficulty of parenting] is a culmination of a number of things. Besides the job, besides what's going on at home and what's going on with the economy, then you're thinking, 'How am I going to progress this family from point A to point B to fulfill our dreams?' Sometimes you just feel like you're caught up in the day-to-day, and you lose sight of ."

Kevin explains what he believes fathers dream about:

"Every dad has a dream, and a lot of times you can't pursue the dream as energetically as you want to. You have to balance pursuit of the dream with stability of the family. Some of my single friends can just pursue their dreams. We have to make sure that every lily pad we step on is a firm one. My dream for my family is to have a stable existence every day, [to be] happy, fulfilled, secure."

There is no manual for parenting. Sam talked about how he learned to be a father.

"I've based [my parenting skills] on experiences of other fathers that I've talked to in the past. The things I've learned are from my parents and how they raised me, and from other fathers that I know. If you're raising a successful family, then you're a successful father."

Hank admits he wakes up stressed, knowing he'll disappoint his family in some way every day.

"Every time I leave in the morning for work, I know there's going to be times where I promised my son that I would be at his baseball game or promised my wife I would be at the parent-teacher conference, and sometimes I just can't be there. And then I feel that I didn't accomplish what I set out to do that day."

Jason says the gap between himself and his 7-year old son is getting wider, and it terrifies him.

"I want to be number one in his life, and I'm not. I'm not sure I know what a good father looks like. I'm trying to be a role model, and I think it's working in the opposite direction. It's turning my son into a person who, when he grows up, is not going to want to be like I was."

Roland Warren is the president of the National Fatherhood Initiative, an organization focused on strengthening the bond between fathers and children.

"I want to encourage Jason, because I think 90 percent of being a good dad is the desire to be a good dad. The other 10 percent is skill-building. You can't be the kind of dad you want to be, you can't be the kind of dad that you wanted to have. You have to be the kind of dad that [your child] needs you to be."

When Steven Clark lost his job as a news anchor, his family took a four-month road trip. During the trip, Steven made a shocking discovery —?he was invisible to his own daughters. Although he felt vulnerable and lost, he made finding ways to be with his children his number one priority.

"Had things continued the way they were going —?I would have always been the ghost who was home on weekends, brought home a paycheck and occasionally went on vacations. Now my relationship with my daughters is strong, it's close, it's bulletproof."

A lot of moms say they want their husbands to be more involved at home, but they are used to being in control of their children's lives. Steven's wife, Larenne, says it was difficult to adjust to Steven being home.

"It ended up that his layoff lasted a year and a half, and we were together 24-7 for that time. I really had to step back and let him come in. It wasn't easy."

How many times have you and your partner fought over something as trivial as how a towel is folded? Roland Warren, president of the National Fatherhood Initiative, says, "One of the key focuses for women to understand is it's important to focus on the what and not the how. Pick your battles, because if there are multiple ways to do [a task], but he's doing it differently than you would have, let him do it how he's doing it because you want him to be involved in his kid's life."

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From The Oprah Winfrey Show "The Secret Thoughts of Fathers", ? 2007 Harpo Production, Inc. All Rights Reserved.