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If your elderly parents seem to be having more trouble remembering conversations they have had with you, or appointments or other daily occurrences, when should it be a concern and what should you do about it?
Any sign of decline in your parents should be evaluated by a professional. WebMD talked with two experts to identify six warning signs that your parents need help, some of the possible reasons why, and what to do about it.
Warning Sign No. 1:
Mom always took pride in her appearance. But lately, she doesn't bother to put on makeup and doesn't seem to notice if her clothes are soiled.
Possibilities: Maybe arthritisarthritis or some other physical aliment is preventing Mom from doing her bathing, hair, laundry, and dressing routines. Is she having trouble sleeping at night or excessively tired during the day? Other possibilities include poor eyesight and dementiadementia. Also, a decline in grooming habits could be a sign of depressiondepression. "Depression is very common in older people, and it's so often missed," says Virginia Morris, author of How to Care for Aging Parents. Is she taking a medication that is making her less attentive?
What to Do:
Arthritis. Talk to Mom about the tasks that are hard to do. Then make modifications and buy adaptive devices to make dressing and other activities easier. Replace buttons with Velcro, put her laundry detergent in a small, easily held bottle, and buy zipper pulls, sock grippers, and easy-fit clothing. Accompany Mom to a doctor visit and talk to the doctor about how to treat a physical condition that may be affecting Mom's daily activities. A referral to a specialist may be necessary.
"Good pain managementpain management, and taking medication before she has pain is important," says Jane F. Potter, MD, AGSF, president of the American Geriatrics Society (AGS).
"Be aware that exercise is not bad but actually improves function," she tells WebMD. "After Mom has a general medical checkup to see that her heart and lungs are up to it, locate a community-based exercise program or get in touch with the Arthritis Foundation."
Sleep problems can lead to fatiguefatigue and less attentiveness. Medication side effects can also be a culprit.
Dementia. Sometimes organizing the closet with clothes for every day of the week can help. Help her with the laundry or contract with a service that will pick up and deliver laundry. See Warning Sign No. 2.
Depression. A number of issues may prevent Mom from telling you she feels blue, such as associating depression with the stigma of mental illness, concerns about insurance coverage, or an assumption that the feeling is normal for her age. She may not have mentioned her feelings to her health care provider.
"Depression can get overlooked in older people because they don't talk about it, and often they don't have the classic symptoms," says Potter, who is professor and chief of geriatrics at the University of Nebraska Medical Center, Omaha. "Their symptoms might include pain or constipationconstipation."
"Ask Mom, 'Do you often feel sad or depressed?' She'll try to minimize it, but ask how she's been feeling in the last two weeks." She advises checking out the resources on talking with a doctor about depression and other health topics available on the AGS Foundation for Health in Aging web site.
Also, let her know she's valued. "Reminiscence can be powerful," says Morris. Make an audio or video recording of her talking about her favorite teacher or her first dog. Look through photo albums with her and enlist friends and family members to stay in touch with Mom by phone, email, and personal visits.
Poor eyesight. Take Mom shopping for new clothes in colors and patterns that she likes and can see. Make sure the lighting in her closet is adequate. Make sure that she has had a thorough eye exam. But if she has permanent vision loss, be aware of all the aids available. These range from eyeglass magnifiers that will enable her to put on makeup to optical readers that project a book page, letter, or bill onto a large screen, and much more. Your state's vision rehabilitation services can provide information and teach Mom how to adapt to low vision.