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Sex After Baby
How soon couples resume having sex depends on the mother's physical and emotional readiness. In the early months, men usually have their normal sex drive, but women may not, especially if they're breastfeeding.
"While breastfeeding, estrogen levels are very low and that may affect libido," says Jennifer Niebyl, MD, head of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Iowa College of Medicine. She adds that low estrogen levels can cause vaginal dryness, a problem that may be relieved with lubrication.
But she says the biggest threat to new parents' sex lives is usually exhaustion. "You'd rather go to sleep than have sex. So it's a combination of fatigue and changes in hormone levels."
Niebyl tells WebMD the problem occurs more often in first-time moms because the adjustment to parenthood can be so stressful. "After having a second or third child, women are sometimes more relaxed," and that has a positive effect on libido.
If stress is a factor, Niebyl recommends having a babysitter or family member whisk the baby away for an evening. "It's hard to relax when you know the baby is about to cry in the next room."
Weekend Getaway
Even better than an evening off is a whole weekend to reconnect. Try to plan a getaway before your baby is old enough to experience separation anxiety, which usually develops around 8 months to 1 year.
If you're breastfeeding, you can still manage a short trip -- just freeze a stash of breast milk to leave with your baby's caregiver and bring along a pump to prevent engorgement.
According to Kovacs, "It won't hurt an infant younger than 6 months to be left with a different caretaker for a day or two so you can get away. If the parents want to take a quick second honeymoon, that is the time to do it."
Published Aug. 1, 2005.
SOURCES: Maureen Kenny, PhD, and Charles Winick, PsyD, parents of 10-month-old triplets. Jerrold Lee Shapiro, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist; professor and chairman, department of counseling psychology, Santa Clara University; author, The Measure of a Man: Becoming the Father You Wish Your Father Had Been. Arthur Kovacs, PhD, clinical psychologist in private practice. Lori Freed, pharmaceutical sales representative; first-time mother. Jennifer Niebyl, MD, professor and chairwoman, department of obstetrics and gynecology, University of Iowa College of Medicine.